The following is from an update I emailed to a large group of friends and supporters (whose addresses I inadvertantly made availabe to all recipients, but let's just blame that on cancer while I still can).
The scan came back clear! The doctor and radiologist confirmed that there was no evidence of thyroid cancer. I don't need a follow up treatment of highly radioactive iodine. I don't need any surgeries. Everything is as clean as can be.
What now? Now I give my body time to reach normal thyroid levels. This takes quite a bit of time and can be difficult to dose. They say you can start feeling better in a couple weeks, but everyone is different. My current level is far below what was necessary for my scan, so I have that much extra to make up for. Last time it took me at least 2 months before I was feeling anywhere near normal. Even then the effects of being hypothyroid went beyond simple numbers on a chart. How do you measure daily activity rates, comprehension, personal discipline, dependability, etc. - all things that suffer when you're near shut down? Thankfully, Deb's covered for me well, so most people are unaware of my current uselessness. "Oh, you're not . . . " Yes, I am.
If you want to pray specifically, pray that I'll be patient and kind as I return to strength. For whatever reason, I'm prone to irritability and not really tolerant of the ridiculousness of holiday shoppers and the like. My sarcasm filter is currently set to "off." In the midst of it all I'm learning a lesson that I've expected of others; namely, circumstances are not waivers from responsibility. Difficult pressures do not excuse me from spirit-controlled living nor do they entitle me to special treatment from others. "Having said that," pray that my life will be one of patient graciousness and authentic kindness.
I expect this to be the last of my messages to you all on this topic (Feel free to forward or reply). I can not thank you enough for your prayer support. God is faithful in all things and just in all His ways. He never chooses between His glory and my good since the two are inseparably linked. It was for His glory and my good that thyroid cancer came into my life. It was for His glory and my family's good as well. - Psalm 119:75 I know, O LORD, that thy judgments are right, and that thou in faithfulness hast afflicted me.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Release notes on "My First Love"
The accelerated transitions of modern society have not negated Northland’s “life-touching-life” ministry. We desire to touch your life with the eternally settled Word of God through inspirational messages in song.
My First Love
“For my name’s sake hast [thou] labored . . . Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee . . . Thou hast left thy first love.” Revelation 2:3–4.
We welcome you to Northland Recordings with the complimentary release of “My First Love,” an outstanding original composition by Northland student Joanna Hall. This song was developed and recorded by Northland students, faculty, and staff. Download your copy today for free - http://www.northlandstore.org/mp3-my-first-love.html
Friday, December 5, 2008
Health update
The following is from an email update I sent many who have prayed for me or know me.
I figured I'd better write this while I still have some sense of cogency - quickly waning.
Over the past 9 mo or so I realized how much thyroid deprivation had cost me while I was down. Have you ever wondered if non-thinking people know it - that they're not really that good at thinking? Having experienced playing times on both teams I can tell you that I was very unaware of my own absurdity. Which team am I on now? I think I'm sitting at the table ready to go into the game. Maybe I'm on the bench? Either way, I'm thinking well enough to assess that my thinking and problem solving skills are compromised (i.e. 15 minutes to install 3 AA batteries in my daughter's birthday present). I began my current decline November 1 and will continue in preparation for my scan mid-December.
This time I know NOT to tell you that all is fine and OK. I'm costing Deb a lot as I become less capable and less dependable. "Can't" and "Forgot" are becoming more frequent with me. Deb complements with "have too" and "just in case." I was unaware of how much I left her hanging during my simple, blissful ignorance last year. I don't want to short circuit the good intentions of others toward my family this time.
Calendar
December 8 - blood work. This is worthy of prayer since I've had at least two occasions where the lab and the doc had communication problems resulting in delays and guesstimations.
December 12 - drive to GB to take a pill. I'm not complaining about this one anymore. I want them to get it right. I recognize negative correlations between the number of middle men and my personal confidence in the process.
December 15 - Full body scan to confirm that no cancer remains.
December 17 - If cancer remains I'll get another big blast of radioactive iodine to ablate remaining cells.
December 23 - Follow-up scan if December 15 identifies remaining cancer.
Currently - freezing cold, slow moving, slow thinking, low iodine diet, constantly fatigued (No, not like you. It's different.).
No doubt in God's grace. We all have our uncertainties with current circumstances, but how much is eternally significant or relevant? Our circumstances are our boundaries and materials for a creative life of worship.
To my new students and friends, last year was a year of challenges, transitions, and adjustments. God leads more by directions than by destinations (How many of you will drive toward and even through Chicago in a little over a week with no intention of spending significant time there?). That to say, don't believe that God's current directing in your life indicates a poor direction in your past. He just doesn't lead "as the bird flies." I'm excited about a future of watching you grow and learn the same lesson in God's way and timing.
I thank you all for your prayer, support, and understanding.
I figured I'd better write this while I still have some sense of cogency - quickly waning.
Over the past 9 mo or so I realized how much thyroid deprivation had cost me while I was down. Have you ever wondered if non-thinking people know it - that they're not really that good at thinking? Having experienced playing times on both teams I can tell you that I was very unaware of my own absurdity. Which team am I on now? I think I'm sitting at the table ready to go into the game. Maybe I'm on the bench? Either way, I'm thinking well enough to assess that my thinking and problem solving skills are compromised (i.e. 15 minutes to install 3 AA batteries in my daughter's birthday present). I began my current decline November 1 and will continue in preparation for my scan mid-December.
This time I know NOT to tell you that all is fine and OK. I'm costing Deb a lot as I become less capable and less dependable. "Can't" and "Forgot" are becoming more frequent with me. Deb complements with "have too" and "just in case." I was unaware of how much I left her hanging during my simple, blissful ignorance last year. I don't want to short circuit the good intentions of others toward my family this time.
Calendar
December 8 - blood work. This is worthy of prayer since I've had at least two occasions where the lab and the doc had communication problems resulting in delays and guesstimations.
December 12 - drive to GB to take a pill. I'm not complaining about this one anymore. I want them to get it right. I recognize negative correlations between the number of middle men and my personal confidence in the process.
December 15 - Full body scan to confirm that no cancer remains.
December 17 - If cancer remains I'll get another big blast of radioactive iodine to ablate remaining cells.
December 23 - Follow-up scan if December 15 identifies remaining cancer.
Currently - freezing cold, slow moving, slow thinking, low iodine diet, constantly fatigued (No, not like you. It's different.).
No doubt in God's grace. We all have our uncertainties with current circumstances, but how much is eternally significant or relevant? Our circumstances are our boundaries and materials for a creative life of worship.
To my new students and friends, last year was a year of challenges, transitions, and adjustments. God leads more by directions than by destinations (How many of you will drive toward and even through Chicago in a little over a week with no intention of spending significant time there?). That to say, don't believe that God's current directing in your life indicates a poor direction in your past. He just doesn't lead "as the bird flies." I'm excited about a future of watching you grow and learn the same lesson in God's way and timing.
I thank you all for your prayer, support, and understanding.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Come, Ye Sinners
Let not conscience make you linger,
Not of fitness fondly dream;
All the fitness He requireth
Is to feel your need of Him.
- another stanza of a song illustrating "Not by works." Your conscience reminds you of your innate guilt and worthlessness before a holy God. Your dream of being considered "worthy" will never become reality. Our standards in this matter focus on ourselves. His standard focuses on Christ's infinite supply.
From an earlier stanza -
Come, ye weary, heavy laden,
Lost and ruined by the fall;
If you tarry till you’re better,
You will never come at all.
Not of fitness fondly dream;
All the fitness He requireth
Is to feel your need of Him.
- another stanza of a song illustrating "Not by works." Your conscience reminds you of your innate guilt and worthlessness before a holy God. Your dream of being considered "worthy" will never become reality. Our standards in this matter focus on ourselves. His standard focuses on Christ's infinite supply.
From an earlier stanza -
Come, ye weary, heavy laden,
Lost and ruined by the fall;
If you tarry till you’re better,
You will never come at all.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Getting to know you
Some of you may have read this already through another venue of technological marvel, but I thought I’d post it just the same.
What is it that you have to offer that is most valuable? I don’t mean to ask you what you are able to transport or reflect or channel. I’m asking what is sourced in you that is of greatest value? You may conflict with this answer in avoidance of pride, but I believe the answer is “you.” The most supremely valuable thing you have to offer is yourself. John 15:13 says that the greatest display of love is the sacrificing of self. God Himself demonstrated that in dying for me. He gave Himself. What He wants from me is simple. He wants me. He values me. That’s not the main point I want to make here. If it were I would need to address depravity, but I believe my audience is intelligent enough to get the idea I’m presenting in order to have a launching point for THE main point.
Our perception of ourselves is most likely skewed, but even the purest of hearts must see that God has instilled value in His image-bearing creation. Although He is no respecter of persons, He has made us all individuals. We recognize our individuality. Still not the main point, but building there.
Here it comes. Main point. In recognition of our individual, unique, God-granted value, it takes most of us a great deal of time to risk the exposure of ourselves to others. We test the waters, build bridges, converse about a thousand trivial things – any number of means to lessen the risk of being found worthless, misperceived, confusing, undesirable, etc. It’s not wanting to be liked as much as wanting to be understood. Sometimes love motivates us too since we all want to be known by those we love. God displays this beautifully in His revelation of Himself through His Word and His creation.
I’ve had the privilege of knowing a lot of people who are going through the stages of growing into themselves. Sometimes knowing starts with video games, or talking extendedly about trivial things, or just doing stuff with someone. From my personal perspective I’ve noticed that everyone has his own way of saying, “This guy is aware of me, he’s listening beyond my words, he’s not going to jump to conclusions, he’s earned my trust by the way he’s handled the other stuff I’ve told him. I’m comfortable sharing more, but not just so I can talk about myself. I could really use some help since making sense of my life is like putting together a puzzle in a tornado. I believe this guy can help me and is able to do so.” (If you feel like I betrayed your trust by what I just said, know that I could say those words about many others. You’re still unique, but you’re still human.)
You’d think this would be a natural thing between some people, but it is not. Parents to kids, spouse to spouse, discipling partners, long term friends, etc. Just because openness occurs once doesn’t mean it’s going to be there again without reestablishing the relationship or testing the compatibility. It takes patience. The process can’t be rushed without raising defenses, losing ground, or stirring up frustration. One hint of anger, attack, or insincerity can initiate shutdown and limit the involvement to surface or cerebral matters.
Are you aware of what you do to establish connection with someone before sharing what’s really important to you or about you? Consider sharing your connection-builder with someone who loves you already, especially if they have trouble understanding you. You will extend a bridge that will make those that love you more available to you and understanding of you. In time you may be able to share the beauty of your uniqueness that God custom-crafted when He made you. Try it!
What do you do before you reveal “you”?
Psalm 139:13-18
What is it that you have to offer that is most valuable? I don’t mean to ask you what you are able to transport or reflect or channel. I’m asking what is sourced in you that is of greatest value? You may conflict with this answer in avoidance of pride, but I believe the answer is “you.” The most supremely valuable thing you have to offer is yourself. John 15:13 says that the greatest display of love is the sacrificing of self. God Himself demonstrated that in dying for me. He gave Himself. What He wants from me is simple. He wants me. He values me. That’s not the main point I want to make here. If it were I would need to address depravity, but I believe my audience is intelligent enough to get the idea I’m presenting in order to have a launching point for THE main point.
Our perception of ourselves is most likely skewed, but even the purest of hearts must see that God has instilled value in His image-bearing creation. Although He is no respecter of persons, He has made us all individuals. We recognize our individuality. Still not the main point, but building there.
Here it comes. Main point. In recognition of our individual, unique, God-granted value, it takes most of us a great deal of time to risk the exposure of ourselves to others. We test the waters, build bridges, converse about a thousand trivial things – any number of means to lessen the risk of being found worthless, misperceived, confusing, undesirable, etc. It’s not wanting to be liked as much as wanting to be understood. Sometimes love motivates us too since we all want to be known by those we love. God displays this beautifully in His revelation of Himself through His Word and His creation.
I’ve had the privilege of knowing a lot of people who are going through the stages of growing into themselves. Sometimes knowing starts with video games, or talking extendedly about trivial things, or just doing stuff with someone. From my personal perspective I’ve noticed that everyone has his own way of saying, “This guy is aware of me, he’s listening beyond my words, he’s not going to jump to conclusions, he’s earned my trust by the way he’s handled the other stuff I’ve told him. I’m comfortable sharing more, but not just so I can talk about myself. I could really use some help since making sense of my life is like putting together a puzzle in a tornado. I believe this guy can help me and is able to do so.” (If you feel like I betrayed your trust by what I just said, know that I could say those words about many others. You’re still unique, but you’re still human.)
You’d think this would be a natural thing between some people, but it is not. Parents to kids, spouse to spouse, discipling partners, long term friends, etc. Just because openness occurs once doesn’t mean it’s going to be there again without reestablishing the relationship or testing the compatibility. It takes patience. The process can’t be rushed without raising defenses, losing ground, or stirring up frustration. One hint of anger, attack, or insincerity can initiate shutdown and limit the involvement to surface or cerebral matters.
Are you aware of what you do to establish connection with someone before sharing what’s really important to you or about you? Consider sharing your connection-builder with someone who loves you already, especially if they have trouble understanding you. You will extend a bridge that will make those that love you more available to you and understanding of you. In time you may be able to share the beauty of your uniqueness that God custom-crafted when He made you. Try it!
What do you do before you reveal “you”?
Psalm 139:13-18
Monday, August 4, 2008
Hope - "Peace on Credit"
Two cultures are juxtaposed against one another in 1 Peter, the culture of the Christian and the culture of the world. When the world is judged by Christ it will be found empty (i.e. “shame”), and guilty. When the Christian is evaluated by this worlds values and beliefs he will be found nuts at best or more likely guilty. So when someone asks a Christian, “What in the world are you doing? Why are you doing things that are going to bring you pain?” the Christian needs to be prepared to testify of the hope within.
What is this hope? Hope is best understood as peace on credit. Peace is a matter or resolution or of something being “resolved.” We live in conflict as long as we are sojourners living in a godless culture. Despite the present conflict, we are still able to live in peace because of the hope we have in future resolution.
What muddies the water is the inner conflict that exists as long as we have a sin nature. This internalizes the war. God brings along others to act as helpers rather than persecutors as we strive to defeat the flesh on a daily basis.
Internal or external, the pain and distress still assault our spirits and can lead us to discouragement and low morale. We have the choice again of enduring or regretting, running the hill or walking it, enduring or quitting. Run with patience. Run with hope. It WILL be resolved in God’s time.
“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” Lance Armstrong
We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:5-8
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Romans 8:18, 25
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God . . . Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls . . . By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me . . . Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. From Psalm 42
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12
On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. 2 Corinthians 1:10b
What is this hope? Hope is best understood as peace on credit. Peace is a matter or resolution or of something being “resolved.” We live in conflict as long as we are sojourners living in a godless culture. Despite the present conflict, we are still able to live in peace because of the hope we have in future resolution.
What muddies the water is the inner conflict that exists as long as we have a sin nature. This internalizes the war. God brings along others to act as helpers rather than persecutors as we strive to defeat the flesh on a daily basis.
Internal or external, the pain and distress still assault our spirits and can lead us to discouragement and low morale. We have the choice again of enduring or regretting, running the hill or walking it, enduring or quitting. Run with patience. Run with hope. It WILL be resolved in God’s time.
“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” Lance Armstrong
We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:5-8
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Romans 8:18, 25
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God . . . Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls . . . By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me . . . Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. From Psalm 42
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12
On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. 2 Corinthians 1:10b
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Grand Piano for Fine Arts Building
Praise the Lord for His provision of a Grand Piano for Northland's Fine Arts Rehearsal Hall. It's a 5’10” Kawai KG-2E (for those of you to whom that means anything). It is a fitting token of appreciation for the dedicated service of Dr. Ensminger who for many years has invested his life in students who have spread across the globe bearing precious seed and nurturing Christian growth.
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